the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
