You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
