so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
