so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
