Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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