the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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