Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
