Someone shit on the floor
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
