Your face is a jimmy john
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
