dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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