yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
