Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
