I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
