update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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