Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
