No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
