It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
