You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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