She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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