the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're a waste of cheezeits
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
