Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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