he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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