i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
