Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What a dumb baby whore.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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