dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
