The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize