If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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