I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
