Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
