Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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