alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
