I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
