i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
