feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
