I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
