a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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