At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She made me pour olive oil on her.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
