between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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