I got chris browned last night
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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