Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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