saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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