May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
