I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
