...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
