Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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