No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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