he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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