I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He felt like a one man threesome
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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