That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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