Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
