i think my mom watched the whole time
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
