i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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