Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
