Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We're too hungover to prance.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize