Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
