It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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