I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
