I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
