i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
