Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
