Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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