I'm drive I can fine osifer
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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