I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
