You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
