Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
