I wanna passion pit in your ass
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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