i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
